what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
