i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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