my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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