I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
