5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
