Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
