i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
