I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
