I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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