So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
