There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
