I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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