this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
