I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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