Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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