if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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