The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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