I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
