Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
