The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
His nipple licking is glorious
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