dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
