man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
