life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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