So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
