i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
