I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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