hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
