they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
