Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
