Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
