But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
