Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
