He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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