when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
