dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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