but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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