Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
