So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
