I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
