I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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