I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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