You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
