Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
