I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
