Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
