FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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