I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
