gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
