Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
