i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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