She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
