he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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