i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
