dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
