just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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