yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
