My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize