Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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