shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
