I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i believe in u and ur pee
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
