I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
