U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
