dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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