69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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