i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
