I bet he comes in French.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
