I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
