A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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