All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet he comes in French.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
