i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
