Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
