At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
