Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
